First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
