Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
