I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
