I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
