he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
