Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
