did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
