Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
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