you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
