when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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