I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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