i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
