I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
