I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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