just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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