no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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