That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
