Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
