I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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