My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
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True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
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Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
as a side note pls kill me
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