I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
