Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize