just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
