Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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