9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
