No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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