where am i from again
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
