Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
