I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
