All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You need Xanax blowdarts
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
