I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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