My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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