i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
