Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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