my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
that is very illegal...i love you.
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