i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
