our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
how drunk are you?
Several
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
