Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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