Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
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Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
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His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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