I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
