mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
This is my gift to your gina
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
