I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
