So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
