Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
