If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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