living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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