U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
