The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
