You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
