I need help removing her.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
