It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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