youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize