she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
