I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
