somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
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