Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
