I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
