i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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