It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
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He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
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Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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