So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize