she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Is this like a preordered booty call?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
