My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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