What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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