You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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