Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Randomize
