He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
there is glitter all over my balls
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
