I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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