So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just found a bag of teeth...
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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