youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
